Feminist Weddings

Okay, I know what a big contradiction that is! Wedding and feminism could perfectly be opposite words. Your feminist wedding photographer friend will try to show you this is not the case!

A wedding is a social and cultural institution, generally legally recognized, that formalizes a union between two people. It can vary greatly depending on culture, religion, and historical context. Historically, marriage had a connotation of economic and political alliance and often involved the control of women, which is interesting when compared with feminism.
Feminism is the social and political movement that seeks equal rights between men and women, fighting against gender-based oppression. different waves of feminism (first, second, third, and even fourth wave) and how each had different focuses — from the right to vote to issues of gender identity and intersectionality. I believe that feminism can represent different demands and voices, but one thing is certain: FEMINISM IS NOT THE OPPOSITION OF MACHISM AND SEXISM! As a feminist, I believe in seeking equality for people, both women, men, trans and non-binary! We feminists defend equality!

What is a feminist wedding?
It is one where the couple does what they want, a wedding with equality and respect for their identity and values. In my opinion, a wedding should always be that it’s a party that reflects the couple’s identity, that tells their story.

Obviously, at weddings, some moments also reflect this sexist society. And probably a lot of them happen without you even realizing it, because it’s the world we’re born into and they’re things that are already so ingrained that sometimes it’s hard to see them.  Let’s rethink some things that happen during weddings.

The Bouquet Toss
Origin: This tradition has an origin that goes back to a vision of competition between women to see who would be “the next to get married”. Historically, getting married was seen as an important goal for women, often associated with their financial security and social status.
Why is it problematic?: This reinforces the idea that marriage is the “final destination” for a woman and can create unnecessary social pressure, especially in societies where women are valued for their marital status.
How to become more feminist?: Why should everyone (who wants to get married) catch the bouquet? Do not impose this moment on anyone. Or we may simply not have this moment on the wedding day.

The White Dress
Origin: The white dress became popular with Queen Victoria’s wedding in the 19th century, but it also carries earlier symbolism of purity and chastity, suggesting that the bride “should” be a virgin until the wedding.
Why is it problematic?: This symbolism reinforces the idea that a woman’s worth is linked to her sexual purity, something that feminism widely criticizes.
How to make it more feminist?: Brides can opt for any color that represents them, reflecting their personality or important meanings to them, rather than feeling obligated to follow a traditional pattern.

Husband’s Last Name
Origin: The practice of a wife adopting her husband’s surname arose from a patriarchal tradition in which the woman became a member of her husband’s family, abandoning her own family identity.
Why is it problematic?: This can be seen as a way to erase a woman’s identity and reinforce the idea that she “belongs” to the man.
How to become more feminist?: Some feminist options include both spouses keeping their surnames, creating a new surname together or even the man adopting the woman’s surname.

The Role of Women in Planning a Wedding
Origin: There is a social expectation that women are primarily responsible for planning the wedding, from the details to the ceremony itself. This reflects the view that women should take care of “domestic” and family-related activities.
Why is it problematic?: It reinforces gender stereotypes about what “women’s work” is and can place a burden on women, while men are left with less responsibility.
How to make it more feminist?: A more egalitarian wedding implies that both the groom and the bride share planning responsibilities, and making decisions together.

The Vows
Origin: The wedding veil has roots in several cultures and symbolizes purity and the fact that the bride was “protected” until the wedding. In some cultures, it was also used to “hide” the bride until the last moment, as part of an arranged marriage agreement.
Why is it problematic?: In many contexts, it reinforces the idea that the bride needs to be protected or controlled until she is “handed over” to her husband.
How to make it more feminist?: Brides can choose not to wear the veil, not put the veil on their face, or reinterpret it in a way that makes sense to them, perhaps as a symbol of personal choice and autonomy.

The Giving of the Bride by the Father
Origin: This tradition dates back to the time when women were seen as the “property” of their parents, literally being handed over to their husbands. It was a transaction between two men—the father and the groom—with the woman as the object.
Why is it problematic?: This perpetuates the idea that women need male permission or approval for their life decisions.
How to make it more feminist?: An alternative could be for the bride to walk alone down the aisle or the couple can walk together or the bride can walk with both parents or whoever makes sense!

Groomsmen and Bridesmaids and Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties
Origin: This division reflects a traditional gender view, where men and women play separate and different roles in the ceremony and marital life.
Why is it problematic?: It reinforces gender stereotypes and excludes people who don’t identify with these binary roles. And women don’t have male friends? And vice versa? And are non-binary people bridesmaids or groomsmen?
How to make it more feminist?: The couple can opt for a mixed bachelor party (and the same at the wedding instead of the bride having only bridesmaids and the groom only groomsmen), with people of any gender taking on important roles, or choose friends and family who represent them most, regardless of gender.

Votes
Origin: In many wedding traditions, vows include promises to “honor and obey,” especially from the bride to the groom. This reflects the ancient view that a wife should be submissive to her husband.
Why is it problematic?: This language underscores an unequal power dynamic in marriage, contradicting feminist principles of equality.
How to become more feminist?: Vows can be customized to reflect mutual respect, equality, and partnership. Expressions that symbolize commitment, respect, and love without connotations of obedience are powerful alternatives.

My goal is to open up this discussion a little and rethink a little bit about all these “normal” things in a marriage that perhaps don’t have the most empowering meaning for women, men, and non-binary people.

Feminism is information and free choice for the couple.

Have you ever thought about these moments that happen during the wedding? Do you think it is possible to have a feminist wedding? Does it make sense to you? Let’s talk about it!

I take advantage and leave three book suggestions and two works of art that I love.
All about love – bell hooks
The History of Art without men – Katy Hessel
Invisible Women – Caroline Criado Perez